


almost is never enough

by orphan_account



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, angst I guess?, kinda sad, thats about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-03
Updated: 2017-11-03
Packaged: 2019-01-28 21:59:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12616472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "what happened to us, hyungwon?""i don't know, minhyuk. the only thing i know is that we were never truly in love—just almost.""almost."the uncertainty of almost.





	almost is never enough

**Author's Note:**

> ik this is like rly shitty n also: the title is corny but i randomly wrote this because i'm in dire need of some hyunghyuk angst :DD

minhyuk hated the word almost. it never sounds right because it sounds so unsure of itself—uncertain of what could happen. it is so near to something, yet also not happening. almost happy; almost okay; almost in love. fuck the word _almost_. 

he wanted something sure and certain, something he will never ever doubt. but how would it happen when everything in the world is unsure of itself? how would it happen when he himself is unsure of everything? he is almost okay, almost happy—just _almost_ , but never being fully okay and happy and he hated it. he hated how everything sounds so uncertain. 

the sound of the door opening pulled minhyuk back to reality and away from his thoughts, the once hot cup of coffee in his hands were now cold. he turned his head to look at the person who entered the café, and what he saw froze him. 

"hyungwon?"

-

after a minute of hugging and asking each other how they were doing, the two settled in and ordered a cup of coffee (the second cup of coffee for minhyuk) and sat near the window. everything grew silent as though the awkwardness of the two drowned out the sound of people talking to each other and all the other noise. it was almost as though they were the only people in the planet.

_almost_

"so . . i didn't knew you lived here." hyungwon was the first one to speak, breaking the silence between the two of them. minhyuk felt a lump in his throat as he stared intently at the person he almost loved. _almost_

"yeah, i didn't knew you lived here either. i guess that's just fair." he replied and hyungwon broke into a smile, but minhyuk noticed the smile never reached his eyes. it was as though he was forcing a fake smile; pretending to be okay. but minhyuk knows he's not.

why is it that they never got the happy ending they both wanted? why is it that they were never meant for each other? he hated the world and the fates for turning them into the mess they are right now. he hated seeing hyungwon like this, and he was willing to do everything just to push him off the boat of sadness. the guy has been through enough, and all he deserved was eternal happiness—not something like this. 

"what are you doing now? for a living, i mean?" minhyuk asked, a million of unasked questions lingered on the back of his throat, wanting to be vomited. he held them back.

_were you able to achieve your dreams, won? are you doing just fine with your life? are you happy now?_ the last question seemed dumb as it is very obvious that he clearly isn't happy, but minhyuk had a lot of questions pooling in his mind and he is dying to know how hyungwon is doing. 

"i write." 

those two words were enough to lighten the feeling in minhyuk's heart, knowing that at least, the younger was able to achieve the thing he wanted to be—to be a writer. a small smile spread across his lips.

"so you were able to achieve your dreams." he said. hyungwon grinned.

"well . . . yeah." he replied, running his left hand through his dark brown hair. a laughter escaped his mouth, but it didn't sounded happy at all. it was more like . . . forced, as though he was making himself believe that he's happy. 

"what about you, minhyuk, were you able to achieve your dreams as well?" the brunette asked, staring right at minhyuk's eyes, and the latter felt like he was staring at the whole universe. hyungwon's eyes held so much emotions—they hold the stars and planets and the sun itself that it was scary. it was scary because, how can a single person hold the whole universe in his eyes? 

but instead of answering the guy's question, minhyuk replied back with another question.

"do you remember when i once told you your eyes were the most beautiful yet the scariest thing i've ever looked at? it's all true, hyungwon. and i'm feeling the same emotions i have felt before as i'm staring at your eyes right now." 

the latter's smile faded at the mention of the past. one question and it triggered all the memories and moments they have had to flash through his eyes again. 

"do you remember when i told you i could see right through you—that one look at your eyes and i know what you feel? that same look on your eyes right now . . it was the same when you told me you'll be leaving the town to study somewhere else. they hold the same emotions i have seen back then. they're both filled with sadness and pain." 

_silence._

"hyungwon, are you truly happy right now? are you truly contented with everything in your life right now? you can fool everyone with that smile and laugh of yours, but not me, hyungwon. i've known you for so long that i know when you're hiding your pain and sadness. and that's what you're doing right now."

_another silence._

"i know what you're feeling, hyungwon. i know that you're in pain right now—that you're suffering with something and i . . i'm here for you. as i have always been." 

the brunette's shoulders dropped low as though he had finally let go of the weight and burden of the world in his arms that he's been carrying for so long - as though he was finally sharing it with someone else. "it's not the same anymore, minhyuk. we're not teenagers anymore. we're not the same old high school students we were before. things have changed. i have changed. you have changed. and it's all for the better." 

minhyuk knows it. he knows it very well, but why does it hurt coming from hyungwon's mouth? why does it seem like everything is just occurring to him now? 

"but—but do you remember when you told me how you wanted to build your future with me? you said—you said you wanted to have a family with me . . . you said you always wanted me to be by your side. what happened now, hyungwon?"

minhyuk felt like a child again, crying in front of hyungwon. he felt weak and vulnerable; he felt as though he's gonna break any moment. hyungwon held both his hands.

"minhyuk, we were both too young back then. we didn't really know what we were doing. we were just a couple of dumb teenage guys who think they could change the world . . . but we couldn't." the brunette said, his voice breaking at the end of the sentence.

they both broke into silent sobs, holding on tightly to each other's hands for support. their hands perfectly fit together, _almost_ as though they were meant for each other. it broke minhyuk's heart more. 

after minutes of crying and crying, they finally calmed down. minhyuk was thankful that him, hyungwon and the workers were the only people at the café. it would have embarrassed the both of them. 

"what . . . " he paused, choking back a sob. "what happened to us, hyungwon?"

the latter took a long time to answer. "i don't know, minhyuk. the only thing i know is that we were never truly in love—just _almost_." he says, emphasising the word _'almost.'_

" _almost._ " the word lingers on minhyuk's lips, and it tastes bitter, yet sweet at the same time. how is it that ' _almost_ ' was the perfect word to describe their relationship? they were almost in love, yet they _weren't_.  
it was funny.

"you never answered my question, though. what about you, minhyuk? what do you do for a living now?" the latter asked, bringing back the topic. 

he took a minute before saying: "i paint," a small, genuine smile tugging at the corner of his lips. hyungwon smiled back.

"i'm happy for you, minhyuk."

"i'm happy for you too, hyungwon."

this time, the both of them were smiling wide, almost as though they are happy; almost as though they are okay. _almost._

minhyuk wished things didn't ended up like this. he wished that somewhere else - in another universe, he and hyungwon were together—happy and in love; not just almost in love.


End file.
